First, things have been insane. Insanely good. Insanely REAL. Insanely Strange. Insanely hurtful. Insanely upsetting. July has certainly been a month to FEEL things. Intense things. OK … Deep breath, only three more days and counting … August will HAVE to be calmer.

Insanely good: Things with Chris are really progressing. We are talking about moving in together. Did I catch you off guard? :) Yes, I know we have only been dating for 3 months, but it feels natural, it feels like the obvious next step. AND, it’s something I REALLY want.

Insanely REAL: Obviously. I can say that without a shadow of doubt, I have never felt this way about another person.. It’s not an obsession. Because those are not healthy, but feeling this way has really made me wonder if I have EVER truly been in love before. How bizarre is that? Married for 10 years, nope. Dating for 3 months; TOTALLY. It makes me start questioning my own judgment. Yes, I married young, but if I wasn’t in love, truly in love. WHAT THE HELL HAD I BEEN DOING FOR 10 YEARS OF MY LIFE? OY.

Insanely Strange: OMG> Two words … Separation Anxiety. Holy Hell. I start to wonder if I am in fact a rational human being. I can’t describe it more than just to say … If it’s been more than three days since I’ve been able to see Chris, to truly connect with him. I BECOME A CONSTANT POOL OF DOUBT AND FEAR AND WORRY AND STRESS. I have NEVER felt that before EVER. Probably not even as a toddler because I am so damn independent. I LOVE my independence. And YES, I know I am being stubborn when I am not ready to surrender that fully to another person. BUT. I don’t even know how to process that. What if I can’t ever fully be dependent on another person again? What if there is always that little piece that I have to hold back, as a form of protection? How do I even move from point A to point B? They seem miles apart to me.

Insanely hurtful: Family. Aren’t they supposed to stick by your side through thick and thin? I always assumed that family would do just that. Apparently NOT. My brother and sister-in-law, whom I thought loved me. Are taking sides. They have chosen to be friends with Paul AND Melissa. I feel so deeply hurt and betrayed.

Insanely upsetting: Truly. I don’t know how to even put this one into words. It’s cryptic, I know. But I am protecting those involved … I feel like I have let my best friend down. I should have been there for her, I should have seen deeper through the shit. I could have asked more questions, I could have stood my ground. I feel like I failed her. I feel terrible. I am afraid for her now, I don’t know how to help her. And I just selfishly want my friend back.

Changing the Subject … I came across these 20 cheesy lines to romance a graphic designer … I thought I would finish this post on a lighter note by sharing them with you.

1. I wish I had an Eyedropper to capture the color of your eyes.
2. Has anybody ever told you that your teeth have perfect kerning?
3. If you were a logo, it would be for a really premium brand.
4. I’m just like a global nav; I love to be on top.
5. Come back to my place and I’ll show you a really naughty way to fill up some negative space.
6. Would you like to lorem ipsum dolor sit on my lap?
7. If I went to a stock photography site and typed in the keyword: “sexy”, I bet there’d be a picture of you.
8. I couldn’t help but notice your eye path went right to my smudge stick.
9. If I hit Shift + [ will it increase the hardness of your brush?
10. Just looking at you from across the bar, I could tell you display high Brightness and Vibrance, and have multiple Layers.
11. You look perfectly put together. Do you display this well in IE?
12. I like my fonts sans-serif, and you sans-pants.
13. If you bring the tool, I’ll bring the color palette.
14. I dig your look and feel.
15. If you like what you see now, wait’ll you look below the fold.
16. Let’s “Skip Intro” and just go find a hotel room right now.
17. When I serve you breakfast in bed tomorrow, would you like your coffee with cream and sugar, or do you prefer it #000?
18. Do you want to touch my Bézier curves?
19. What if I told you the fly on my legs opens quicker than a 500kb JPEG file?
20. Mind if I take you for a usability test?

Ok, cheese.. Deal with it.