Plan for the future, live in the present.

Sep 13, 2009 | This Is The Past

So, no. I have not given up :) I am still here, still kicking … and you had better believe that I will never stop trying, never stop reaching … I will be the first to admit that some days are harder than others. But no, not giving up.

There is something to be said I think about reaching for your full potential. About growing into something that is bigger than yourself … I have always been one whom desperately wanted to stretch and reach outside of myself, outside of my current reality. I believe it has a lot to do with my upbringing. My History. Not being born into a life that I have ever really felt to be my own. I’ve had to reach outside myself, to find my happiness.

And when I look over this past year, I am somewhat amazed by where it has taken me. I’ve changed, in many ways. Some of them for the better, some of them not. But I can say without hesitation that I am growing. In that growth, I am learning how to balance, (something that I have never been very good at). I am learning to balance my patience with my burning desire for reaching my goals. Goals that have been years, decades in the making. Sometimes it is difficult to not want to just sprint to the finish line. Because for the first time in (I cannot tell you how long), I see a vision of the future that brings me complete satisfaction … and it represents more than faith, more than hope to me.  It is the only thing that matters. I feel as though I have been searching, running for so long; pacing myself becomes the ultimate test of my strength (or lack thereof).

So I am trying. Desperately. To plan for the future, but live in the present. And some days, I may stretch myself so far to cover all my bases, that I have no more room to give. But I continue on, living, growing, and being the person I’ve become, while still reaching for that person I want to be. And no, it’s not perfection. But I am also learning that perfection is somewhat over-rated.

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