There is something to be said about anonymous blog posting. It’s a freedom really, to be able to say whatever the hell you want, without the fear of judgment or retaliation. Yes, some might think that it is a balls-less existence. But I look at it as a way to share my views, thoughts and opinions; all at face value.. And You can take it or leave it..
So. A little bit about me. I am a thirty-something divorced mother of two.. (yeah, that sounds sexy) I never thought I would be in my current situation, but I am not really complaining. I married young, and really thought I was in love for the first five years of my marriage.. The last five, however, was an entirely different story.. I grew fat; with resentment, with longing, with general discontent. My life was NOT what I wanted it to be so I threw myself into my career. At the time, it was the only place in where I could really find any fulfillment. So while my businesses grew, (along with my ass) my marriage began to crumble. My husband and I were merely roommates; friends, but no longer lovers. We both stopped trying for a chance at romance or love and we continued to live our separate but conjoined lives.
It should not have surprised me when I found out he was having an affair, but it did.. And like all things that tend to hide in plain sight, when the blindfold was lifted, I was blindsided with shock, anger, pain, and a ‘I am going to kick your ass and hers’ attitude. Looking at it now, I know that we were simply not right for each other. Neither of us learned in our 10+ years of marriage how each of us needed to be loved. We were better off as friends. I am still at a point in my ‘kick your ass’ attitude, that I WILL NOT admit that to my ex.. He’s an ass for how he handled the dissolution of our marriage, and while I am not one to normally hold grudges.. I don’t think I will ever fully be able to forgive him..
Such is life.. I am moving on.
So.. This blog is a way for me to share my truths. The way I see the world around me. My experiences in dating, and my pursuits in finding my personal happiness that I KNOW is waiting for me with all my heart. I have always been a romantic. Which in retrospect, does tend to get me into trouble along the way sometimes. But I will not give up my romantic outlook, no matter how hard life tries to beat it out of me. I know that somewhere in this over populated world, my soul mate is waiting for me. Perhaps he is looking for me too, perhaps not yet.. But he’s out there, my perfect fit, and I see my recent divorce as my calling to find him.
Now, admittedly, I am not ready to find him yet..
I’ve so much personal work to do. On my body, my mind, my spirit. But I have begun my journey, and so far.. I am proud of myself.
Physically, I started my new awakening at a ripe weight of 240 pounds. Oh yeah.. 240 pounds, and 5+ years of unhappiness, and now it is all slowly starting to fall away.. Today, I weigh in at a healthy 175 pounds. Yes, on my frame I still have about 40 pounds to go.. But in 8 months; 65 pounds is not bad :) I’ve adopted a healthier way of thinking, in my diet, in my exercise. I am allowing my heart and mind to be present, and really listening to what my body needs. This is a first for me, and the feeling is one of empowerment. For the first time since HIGH SCHOOL, I am feeling, vibrant, sexy, and there is a glimmer of my true self starting to emerge. For once, I like me!
I have always been a strong personality. Bossy as a child ;) a go-getter as an adult. In most aspects of my life, I’ve the attitude, that if you want something badly enough, you can find a way to make it yours.. So.. Now I am taking that attitude full kilt.. I’ve defined my goals, and I can see the path that needs following.. It’s exciting, and scary and ALL VERY GOOD. These changes in my life, were needed, and it’s about damn time.
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